I had a haemorrhage stroke in 2015 when I was 52. One day I woke up and felt woozy. I felt like I wasn’t part of the world. Something I had never felt before. I tried to carry on as normal. I went to the bathroom and was stood at the basin washing my hands. Even before the pandemic I was a regular hand-washer. My legs suddenly went from under me, and I fell on the floor. I kicked the side of the bath and knocked the panel out.

I lay there laughing as something seemed funny about it. I managed to drag myself out onto the landing and called to my mother who was downstairs. I said, “I have just fallen over!” When she realised it was serious, she called the ambulance. We got to the hospital (L&D) and then I don’t remember anything else after that.

When I did wake up, it was dark. I did not know where I was. But I knew I was in a bed under the covers. I couldn’t find my way out of the covers and blacked out again. After about a month, I think, I woke up properly. I opened my eyes to see all my family sitting around my bed. One family member at the time had cancer. Before my stroke, I had given him advice before to keep fighting and punching. Now he was saying the same to me.

I had a lot of strange dreams during this time. All of them were about fighting to stay alive. I dreamt I was in a box and dreamed I was trying to get out. I did get out and was in a loading bay, which was a memory of a previous job. A van went by, and I took my chance to jump in it and escaped into the sunshine. My dad had a stroke when I was a child. He used to speak about similar dreams of breaking down walls and escaping from being trapped. The doctors said these are common dreams. They are make and break. If we don’t escape in our dreams, then it is likely that we would have died.

I have always been stubborn and determined. I want to fight the effects of the stroke. I take part in everything I can for my rehabilitation, first at Moorlands and now at Headway.

At Headway, I take part in regular physical exercise, cognitive work and anything to help me avoid social isolation. Over the years I have lost contact with school and university friends. Coming to Headway has enabled me to be amongst other people of all ages and backgrounds. The staff and other clients at Headway are now my circle of friends. I would be lost without them. I particularly enjoy talking with staff member Maxine. We started at the same time and have similar interests. Maxine also helps me set new goals and works out ways for me to achieve them.

There is life after a brain injury. We often think people who have had a brain injury lose everything. The stroke of course does change things, but it doesn’t necessarily change things for the worse. It can give you a different way of looking at things. Brain injury made me more determined. I constantly want to learn and am open to new ideas and new ways of thinking.

The one thing I have learned after my stroke, is to count my blessings. Although I would love to be able to be spontaneous, get on a train and walk around a museum, I am not quite physically ready for that yet. My main forms of recreation now are reading and listening to music. If I couldn’t read, hear or talk about a range of subjects with others – that would be very bad for me.

Observing the other clients has taught me a lot about hidden disability. You can look OK and “normal”, but there is much more happening beneath the surface. Short term memory loss is one of the main hidden effects of my stroke. Whether the effects are visible or hidden, I would say to politicians, policy makers and the general public, please don’t look on us as a burden. A brain injury can happen to anyone. We are still assets to society and just need a bit of extra support.

Headway gives me something to look forward to every week, I enjoy all the activities, having fun with others and working on my mobility. Thank-you to everybody for all they have done for me.